At times we all – especially those of us in addiction – believe that we are the protagonist or have been cast in the “star” role in the story of our life. However, the truth is that we are at best a supporting character in a much more majestic tale. The story is simply not ours. It is God’s story. It’s not a story about you; it’s a story about Him. God is the protagonist, the author, the producer, the director and the creator. He is the Great I Am, the Alpha and Omega, and God allows us to play a part in His love story.
The actor Robert Prosky, playing the role of Father Cavanaugh in the movie Rudy said it best “Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I’m not Him.” God deeply loves us, however, we are not his equals. He is God and we are His, not the other way around. When I reflect on my supporting role in this broken journey of life, I haven’t always been the best decision maker. In fact, it is pretty clear that my decisions do not typically reflect the decisions of an all knowing deity. I’m wrong so often. Reminiscing I can’t help but cringe at some of the amazingly immature and self-centered requests I have laid before God.
With every year that passes, I notice more and more my prayers changing. I now thank God for not answering many of my past passion filled requests. I thank God for being God and I thank Him that I’m not. I now find myself praying “Not my will, by yours be done,” praying that God will have his way with me and teach me what He wants. It offers me great support as I begin to recognize that “there is a God, and I’m not Him.”